1954

Wednesday
The religious stuff here was probably from my Philosophy class, but also possibly from my Faust class. Hard to remember.

My sleep schedule got so screwed up that I began having a lot trouble falling asleep at a normal hour. Today, it caught up to me, and I got to bed early. After less than two hours, Sin and our friend Tim accidentally woke me up, and I was so disoriented by the lack of windows that I thought it was morning.

By this point in the quarter, I was already so unhappy in the Stadium Dorm that I was ready to transfer to a new dorm, and even to a new school.

Thursday
Great E.M. Forster quote.

Monday
I guess we shot pool somewhere.

Tuesday
I went to a Connells show at the Newport tonight with my friend Amy. I didn’t know much about the Connells, but I liked one of their songs and Amy was excited to go, so I got a ticket. The show was good enough that I bought a t-shirt — but I never got any deeper into the band. Which was much like my friendship with Amy — we liked each other, but never got much deeper than going to this concert.

Saturday
Twelve hours seems like a fair amount of sleep if you were up for 36 or so. And if you get up that late, it’s natural that you’d go to bed at 4-something.

I don’t really remember helping Tom specifically with countertops, but I do remember his workshop, which took up the entire three-car garage. It housed not only his woodworking tools but also his computer stuff. I just barely remember the guillotine — the blade was sharp enough to slice a watermelon, and the release mechanism gave us some trouble.

Sunday
Sin and I decided after awhile to rearrange the room a bit, and lo and behold, there was my wallet. I had thrown it on my desk when I got home — but it slid off and wedged behind one of the legs of the bunk bed, just out of sight until we moved the bed. So frustrating.

Tuesday
After my frustrating English class on Monday, I decided to meet with my professor during office hours the next day. I voiced my frustrations, and was pleased to find Livingston open to my complaints. It was his first quarter as a professor, and he was as new at OSU as I was. I came away hopeful.

Wednesday
Try as I might, I can’t make out what’s been blacked out on this page.

Thursday
Poor Steve. Couldn’t tell a joke.

Steve was one of my closer friends from the dorm. He was a music major — I want to say he played guitar. And Jenny was a girl from one of the other floors who Steve sort of liked and I thought was pretty cool. She claimed to be a wiccan — a good witch, she’d say to people who were confused — and had a calm demeanor and worldly attitude, despite never being further from home than she was at school.

I had an early morning shift in the cafeteria so I decided to stay up all night, and Steve and Jenny decided to join me. We hung out on the floor in my room and talked, played the question game and teased Steve about his (mostly nonexistent) love life, while a rotating cast of characters joined in.

At one point, Steve was whining that he didn’t know when it was alright to kiss a girl, and I told him if he wasn’t sure, he should ask. He was incredulous, so I asked Jenny if I could kiss her, she said “Sure,” and we kissed. Steve was floored.

A some point Sin probably came in and went to bed, even as we continued on. Sin was somehow able to sleep through basically anything. He didn’t care if the lights were on or if people were in the room. He’d just climb onto his bunk (he was on the top bunk) and almost instantly fall asleep. Usually with his eyes slightly open. It was a little creepy.

Friday
I made my first, I think, visit to my Uncle Tom’s house tonight, to do laundry and hang out. He and his wife, Katrina (they weren’t actually married, but were commonlaw) had an au pere to help take care of their son, Topher, who was both hyperactive and had a skin condition sort of like psoriasis. Katrina was a physician and Tom was nocturnal, so having an au pere to help with Topher was a must for them.

Somehow, despite being up overnight and only really eating breakfast, I managed to be up until 1:30am.

Sunday
After searching my room for my wallet (I could swear I tossed it on my desk when I got home) I retraced my steps back to the frat house. No dice, so I called my parents and they canceled my credit card.

I didn’t write much about it, but I was definitely having trouble adjusting to college life. I think the Stadium Dorm contributed quite a bit to that. The lack of windows meant it was very easy to lose track of time — you never knew if it was day or night, what the weather was, whether you were missing class or even a football game. It took a toll on students, who often would become depressed or just stop going to class or even leaving the dorm except to hit the bars on the weekends. My sleep patterns became very erratic and I was definitely teetering on the edge of depression, and the general bizarreness of dorm life didn’t help.

Thinking back on it, it’s awful that the Stadium was a scholarship dorm. Many of the students there were there on more than one scholarship, and a lot of them were there on a state program to help students from the extremely poor Appalachian region of Ohio attend school. Many of my floormates wouldn’t have gone to school if not for it, and here they were in a situation that encouraged disengagement. A couple of my floormates didn’t make it past their first quarter, and I bet a healthy portion of them didn’t get past their first year. The dorm can take some of the blame for that. Fortunately, the dorm no longer exists — the Stadium Scholars program is now housed in new dorms on 10th Avenue.

Monday
Oy, didn’t go to math class again — no wonder I ended up failing. You could tell which classes I was most interested in my first quarter by my grades: A, B, C, F.

My English class was the A. I enjoyed the class, but I grew frustrated with my prof. He said early on that he wanted it to be a discussion-oriented class, but then he frequently forcibly guided the conversation rather than letting it grow organically. This particular day, he kept me from finishing my thoughts, which was particularly annoying. After having such amazing English classes in high school — enrollment in English was 150 percent the minimum requirement for graduation, indicating how good a department it was (arts enrollment was 300 percent, FWIW) — I was disappointed to have a class that didn’t meet those high standards. I resolved to do something about it.

Saturday
Christian was definitely ready to head off to school.

Sunday
Happy birthday, Michael Jackson!

Wow, I’d entirely forgotten about Needful Things. Wonder if it holds up.

Sunday
Happy birthday, Mitch!

Monday
Yep, it’s that time: when people start heading off to school. I think I got all these addresses at a going away party, though I don’t remember whose.

Of these people, I only really stayed in touch with Jill, Suzanne and Brandon. I saw some of them again the next summer, and kept in vague contact over the years (Facebook has helped that considerably), but yeah.

Monday
Note the work hours in the top-left corner: I worked from 9am to 9pm today, and then went over to Suzanne’s for a visit. I was exhausted, in part from working 12 hours but also from staying up late Sunday. I was telling her a story — probably about Sunday night’s escapades — and got a bit light-headed from talking too much. I meant to just put my head down on the table, but misjudged it. Clang!

Tuesday
More of Christian’s morbid drawings.

Wednesday
Wow, In the Line of Fire. What is it with me and incredibly un-romantic movies on dates?

Secret writing:

Melissa really took me by surprise tonight. She’s a great kisser and and amazingly sensual girl. I’m hoping that, like myself, she is very experienced despite her inexperience. That’s possible, but it may be wishful thinking.

“Experienced despite inexperience” was my way of saying I’d screwed around a lot, but hadn’t had much actual intercourse. I wasn’t a virgin at this point, but I was pretty close to it. In my clumsy way, I was really trying to say that I hoped Melissa was a good sexual match for me. She certainly was a great kisser. She insisted that she’d never french kissed before, but it was hard for me to believe — she came to it naturally with me, as if we’d been kissing for a long time. I’d driven us to a secluded cul-de-sac off Oak Knoll Road in Barrington Hills and we made out sitting on the trunk of my car. I really was taken aback. I can almost smell her scent now, thinking about it.

That night I got to thinking that perhaps the reason I felt like she was too much like “just a friend” the first time we dated was just because we had such great chemistry that I felt totally comfortable with her. It gave me a lot to think about.